return to freedom

After a foray into the public school system, we have joyfully returned to freedom.  This is something that is hard for many people to understand... why we do it, and what it really looks like.  There is no need for anyone to take offense, or think that I'm implying you're wrong if you choose to send your child to school like most of the population.  

     Simply consider that one very important word:  choice.  We all do what we must do, and most importantly, what feels right for ourselves and our families.  There are many different approaches to parenting, teaching, and learning.  I don't feel that I have to explain or justify my choice to anyone; however, I'd like to try to help those I love who don't quite 'get it' by painting a clearer picture of this whole scenario.  I'll have much more to say on the subject in the future, but for now, I thought it might be useful to begin with a few good notes and metaphors I found this morning as I was browsing around.  

     There is a movement called 'unschooling' which some people think is totally outrageous and really can't comprehend.  While I wouldn't say that we are complete unschoolers (yet?), it makes alot of sense to me and greatly influences the way we live.  

So, what does that mean and what does it look like?

From childplay.wordpress.com:

What unschooling is:

holistic

comprehensive

relevant

child led

passion driven

exploratory

What unschooling isn't:

standardized

cookie cutter

linear (or, maybe it is, depending on the kid!)

negligent

unlearning

lazy

     Meredith, another unschooling mom who moderates the Always Unschooled listserve, says to a newbie mom trying to envision what this is: "You might also find it helpful to do some reading on the theory of Multiple Intelligences, and also personality styles, since personality plays a big part in the specifics of how people learn.  But probably the biggest thing to know about learning is that it looks like life.  People learn as a function of living life - we're designed to learn.  Our own internal drives push us to go on exploring and discovering - it's part of human nature itself.

   A big part of learning is making mistakes!  That's an idea school trains out of us, but discovering is all about running into something new, something that challenges our expectations or doesn't turn out the way we think.  

   One of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is the safety to make mistakes.  We get to be their soft place to fall, the person who helps them regroup and try another idea, the person who can offer other ideas without insisting our ideas are better.  That's challenging!  We soooo want to be able to offer the fruits of our own learning to our kids so that they don't Have to make the same mistakes we did.  It's a little humbling to realize that sometime they actually want to (not all the time, but especially as my kids get older I see them not wanting my ideas and perspectives so much any more - they want to do it their own way, even if it's harder that way)!"

     This was written by a mom, Debra Rossing, on one of the listserves to which I subscribe: 

"Maybe this image will help:  In the traditional schooling model, you are served a pre-decided meal (like a prix fixe dinner at a fancy restaurant - you get what someone else decided to prepare that day).  But before you even take a bite, the waitress comes over and cuts it up into specific sized pieces and then arranges it in the order that you are to eat it.  And, you must eat a certain amount of the pieces at a certain interval.  No alternating between a bite of salad and a bite of potato, no lingering over a particularly tasty bit of tomato, it must be eaten in the proper sequence and timing.  Meanwhile, your dinner companions are each served something else, based on criteria of age and where they grew up.  Even if their food looks interesting, you aren't to share bites from other plates, unless of course, you finish all the requisite bites for this time period that are on your plate and ask the waitress for a bite of something else you've seen.  After each set group of bites, the waitress comes over and asks you question about what you ate and you need to be able to answer the way she expects - if the soup was too salty for you, but it was salted "correctly" you have to say it was salted correctly, even if you didn't like it.  Periodically, they bring medical equipment over to the table to make sure you are properly digesting what you've been eating.

   Alternatively, natural learning (aka unschooling) is more like being at a grand buffet.  You can choose what and when and how much.  If the serving utensils are a bit cumbersome for you, people are there to assist.  If you're unsure about how to carve yourself a piece of the roast chicken, ask someone and they'll show you how and/or guide you in doing so.  If you want more peas but no more potatoes right now, that's fine.  If you want to eat each individual pea separately, to enjoy the taste and texture, great.  If you ONLY eat peas for a while, then switch to ONLY cantaloup, then have a mixed plate of cold veggies, salad style, fine and dandy.  And if one of your dining companions has something on their plate you've never seen before or tried, you might ask to taste it.  If you see something at the buffet and don't know what it is, you can ask and someone will describe/explain it to you, making comparisons/contrasts to other foods on your plate(s).  'That's a lychee.  It's similar in taste/texture to a bit of canned pear but not exactly the same.  Still fairly mild in flavor and a little sweet but not as sweet as something like a strawberry.'  If you decide to simply sit back and observe the environment for a bit, that's fine, there's no time requirement on your eating." 

To wrap it up for today, here's a copy of the 'Curriculum Description' I submitted today to Arlington County as part of my Notice of Intent to homeschool my child, and below that a highlight from our week.

"Our curriculum is self-designed to include the major areas of academic study in an age- and level-appropriate manner—language arts and mathematics, physical and social sciences, history, geography, and anything else that surfaces as an interest.  Largely using an inquiry-based approach, we call on a wide and varied list of resources including books, workbooks, the internet, online curriculums, videos, workshops, classes, museums, galleries, field trips, nature, our community, collaboration with other families, travel, and conversation with people of all ages.  Visual and performing arts are often integrated into our learning processes and can spontaneously provide intriguing starting points for further probing into specific aspects of any of the academic study areas.  Part of my approach in educating my child is to take into account the seven intelligences as defined by Howard Gardner—the idea that “all human beings are capable of at least seven different ways of knowing the world…. language; logical-mathematical analysis; spatial representation; musical thinking; the use of the body to solve problems or to make things; an understanding of other individuals; and an understanding of ourselves.”

            Our in-home learning consists of various activities including but not limited to: reading, workbook pages—both published and self-designed, creative writing, cooking, sewing, gardening, cleaning, computer games, blogging, piano lessons, art projects, science projects, singing, dancing, spanish practice; creative play & role-playing; elaborate character development & set-building; shooting photography & video; and art & music workshops which I teach, with other homeschooling families joining us.  Activities outside of the home include ice skating, dance classes, gymnastics, art, drama, nature center classes, survival skills classes, and whatever else arises of interest.  While we have specific blocks of time in the home each weekday that are specified ‘lesson time’, we live in such a way that learning is a natural, organic, always-happening, ongoing process—an exciting part of everyday life!"

On Monday, we took a field trip with a few friends to the Shenandoah Valley Discovery Center - an awesome kids' spot in Winchester that is very similar to the Children's Museum in DC (now closed down.)

Here is Phoenix trying on an oxygen mask at the 'hospital'.

Then there is Adobe pushing her friend Lucca in the wheelchair.  The place was small, but the kids had such a blast!  There was so much to do... There was a replica of a Native American longhouse, a climbing wall, an ambulance and hospital, a library, all types of cool hands-on science stuff, a cider factory, an 'infinity mirror', a fun house mirror, a place where you could build a house, a large version of a honeycomb that you could climb inside of, and on...

I'm loving life; it feels so good having my two munchkins together again...

(photos © artis mooney 2010)

there is no religion higher than truth

Aah, the New Year.  The first couple of months are always an interesting time of year for me as I move from the struggle to sort out what's meaningful from the holiday chaos/charades/consumerist whirlwind that everyone seems to find themselves sucked into, in one way or another, from the end of October into January.  If I'm in a cynical mood, 'the holidays' could be seen as one excuse after another to buy a bunch of crap that you or someone else doesn't really need, get drunk, eat too much, overindulge, and get caught up in a whirlwind of empty sentimentality & token phrases that don't actually mean anything.  But I can also enjoy certain aspects to a degree - I have to say, I do actually like some of the Christmas music, the decorations, pretty lights, the spirit of celebration; people tend to be a little more friendly to each other, and exchanging gifts can be fun, if you don't go overboard with it.  When I'm in right mind, I know that this time of year, winter time, is simply a time of rest & renewal, a time to appreciate the beauty & wonder of Mother Nature, to pull close the ones we love & tell them "Thank you.  Thank you for being a part of my life.  Thank you for being the beautiful person that you are.  Thank you for helping me to learn & grow in this adventure as a human being.  Thank you for loving me & receiving my love."
   Thus, my relationship with 'the holidays' is kind of like my relationship with organized religion.  It's just not in my make-up, my fabric as a human being.  I knew from kindergarten and first grade in a Catholic school in rural Indiana that it was not for me.  I felt a lack of questioning around me, incongruities, and I was suspicious of the Story of Creation (On the first day, God created.... On the second day...  and On the seventh day he rested....) that was being taught as a literal occurrence.  And, there was Real Life at that point in life - the reason we moved to Indiana.  My grandfather killed himself because my grandmother was becoming mysteriously ill; just when they were ready to settle into retirement in Florida where they had just bought a house, life took a drastic turn in another direction, and he just couldn't bear it.  Shortly afterward, they discovered that my grandmother had 16 brain tumors, from cancer that had started in her lungs and spread.  Within one year, she deteriorated to the state of infancy before my very eyes, and early one morning, she passed away, as I lay close by sleeping.  The relationships were all complicated emotionally - I could write a whole chapter on that alone - and honestly, only now, 30 years later, do I consider how those particular events must have shaped me.  It was the end of a husband & wife, the end of a father & son, the end of a son & his mother.  And I was just at the beginning.
   So, I found myself feeling total rejection of organized religion and Christianity in particular, for many years.  However, I was decidedly not atheist.  This led me to ask alot of questions, read different things, have lengthy conversations with my dad, my mom, and others, and to arrive at some interesting hypotheses.  At some point, perhaps when I was 18, 19, 20, I began to realize that perhaps I was missing something by my general dismissal of organized religion.  I began to read, alot - esoteric teachings especially, and embrace the good things many of the main religions have to offer.  I read up on certain religions, read some of the Bible and the Qu'ran, teachings of the Buddha, and delved deeper into what was at the heart of each of these teachings.  And a pattern emerged.  I began to feel that in many ways, they were each saying the same things - just in different languages.  Some of the details were different, and all, it seemed to me, were diluted or distorted in various ways from the original teachings, for a variety of reasons - probably first & foremost, no separation of church & state, of religion from law, for centuries upon centuries.  That's a topic for a whole 'nother post. 
   The point is, I realized that it's all about what speaks to you, what helps you find meaning in life, what helps you move forward when the burdens of life seem too much to bear.  So, if Jesus is your homeboy, that's great; if it's Allah that you praise, that's great; if it's the Buddha, Krishna, or whatever other name you choose for the Higher Power, or even if you are an existentialist, atheist, whatever, that's great, if it rings true for you.  We are all seeking balance in our lives, reacting to & interacting with our upbringings, our cultures, our surroundings, our peoples' stories, our own personal stories.... Where religion translates to war is when one people try to force their way on another people, when people try to control one another, try to say that their path is the only Path... We are a people of many languages and many ways, but we are family.
   "There is no religion higher than truth."  And there is no Truth higher than Love.  It is written on my soul.

meditation for sanity

ten minutes of stillness each day makes all the difference in the world.  to keep me from killing my family - just kidding :)     but really, life is stressful, especially when you're trying to balance so many roles and responsibilities.  now, generally speaking, i'm not an angry person, or one to just fly off the handle.  in fact, i have been told in the past that i have the patience of a saint.  but lately, it seems i've been losing my ground.  there has been a lot of yelling going on in the house.  this is hard to admit publicly, but i know most families probably have those moments.  it doesn't feel good.  when i can see myself from the outside, i think "whoa, who is that?!"  and i've heard myself saying way too often "aaaah, you guys are driving me crazy!"  the forces of evil are trying to infiltrate our (mostly) peaceful and lovely home.  we are all fire-y in this family.  i have been praying for help to use my fire to warm people, not hurt them.  so much of it lies in how you say something to someone.  this is very important to remember, whenever possible.  you can say the exact same thing two totally different ways, and it will be received quite differently depending on how it is delivered.

so, my routine has been to make a fire in the morning after atom leaves for work (i get up with him at 4:45 a.m.!) and meditate, sit quietly, whatever you wish to call it for a good ten minutes or so.  and i finish with a wish or two, or a few...  if i don't do it first thing, i try to make sure it happens fairly early in the day.  i haven't done this regularly for a few years now, sad to say.  i've been back at it for 3 weeks or so, and it really does make all the difference in the world.  when a stressful situation arises, i stay calm; even if the impulse arises in me to fly off the handle, i usually catch it before i blow.  and there is a difference in my way, my tone of voice, my body language.  i am the peacekeeper, the mediator.  i can help those around me to stay calm & see their way through conflict to resolve.  i love it.  i love my family.

have you had any experience with this?