giving thanks for all kinds of things!

Aaaahhh, a little catching up to do, and I got about half of this written, but something happened with the computer and it didn't get saved, so I begin again, with even more catching up.... But, I digress.  And work backwards.

Mon. 23 Jan.:  I give thanks for new friends.   I've been hearing about a 'this really cool chic' named Kristy through my friend Chloe for a few years now, and we recently connected both through Chloe and through the homeschool community.  She has three awesome kids too, and they came over today.  We enjoyed great interesting conversation, yummy snacks, and the kids got acquainted with one another.  Looking forward to more.

Sun. 22 Jan.:  I give thanks for working together.  Some high school friends came over today.  We are planning our class' first reunion - the 20th.  It's so interesting that here we are, having lived twenty years of life, coming together so that we can help others come together too.  And of course, Facebook and the internet make this so much easier.  :)  I'm thankful for that too. 

Sat. 21 Jan.:  I give thanks for cleanliness and order.  We spent a good portion of the day tending biz, and it's a much better vibe when the place is at least somewhat tidy and clean.  Atom and the kids played outside in the sunshine for quite awhile too, and the kids helped him stack some wood on the front porch.  I give thanks for fresh air and sunshine too.

Fri. 20 Jan.:  I give thanks for science.  Inquiry, reasoning, exploration, postulating, proving theories.  So satisfying for our minds that want to understand everything.
     Atom went to Brennan's for a little 'Zombie night'.   While he was gone, the kids and I did some drawing, and we read from a science book we have, simply titled Science by Time for Learning.  It's a great overview, and it's fun that Phoenix is getting old enough to participate in the conversation; we ask questions, guess answers, read a bit, look at the pictures, they interject, Adobe gives real-life examples, they laugh, get excited, and on to the next bit.

Thurs. 19 Jan.:  I give thanks for not having to pay for repairs when living in a rental.  We had some sorely needed maintenance work done around here today and yesterday, and times are a bit tight, so it's really great not to have to choose between 'just dealing with it' or dipping into savings to pay hundreds for a plumber and electrician.  

Wed. 18 Jan.:  I give thanks for running water.  I said before that 'I give thanks for (relatively) clean water to bathe in, cleanse with, and drink.'  I would love to have clean, pristine, pure, unpoisoned water running through my back yard.  If that were the case, I wouldn't even mind having to go outside to get it.  But, seeing as that is not the case, I sure am thankful for the modern convenience that brings water right to our taps, and hot at that!

Tues. 17 Jan.:  I give thanks for slow, cozy days.  We stayed in today.  Mostly.  The kids did go outside and play for a little bit, and I kept the fire going, but we mostly hung out and read, did some lessons, projects, some cleaning, some playing, Papa did the grocery shopping in the evening, we had dinner, watched a little something, and went to bed.

Mon. 16 Jan.:  I give thanks for creativity and daydreaming.  David, Kate, and Corriell came over for the afternoon.  I love them, some of my favorite people in the whole universe.
     Kate and David are good friends of ours who met independently of me.  I knew Kate from my Corcoran days - she was actually my pottery teacher there - wheel-throwing - when I was pregnant with Adobe (even though she's 2 years my junior ;), and although we were intrigued by each other, we didn't get to know each other well until after she and David became a couple a few years back. 
     Well, with them, they brought a Costa Rica fantasy.  It's not the first time I've had one.  It's been on & off for years, even though I've yet to go there.  But Kate and David, who have been there, are rekindling that fantasy, and honestly, I've never heard a bad thing about Costa Rica.
     What sounds really lovely is if we could do a year-long experiment, rent a large house together, our two families, for a relatively cheap price, put some feelers out, and see what happens.... Longer term, what would be ideal is if we could work in such a way to be able to spend chunks of time in both places.  Must verbalize the fantasies.
     And here's what the kids were up to while we fantasized.

the lovely Corriell

Phoe workin' his dough

Corriell's dough person

Adobe making a little crown

Phoe's dough head

Sun. 15 Jan.:  I give thanks for the bounty of nature.  We bought this mushroom growing kit - either from MOM's or Trader Joe's - and they are taking off, right on our kitchen rack.  It's a cool project.  They are easy to grow oyster mushrooms, and hopefully they'll be yummy.  The stuff in the box (which it grows out of) looks like some dense molded stuff with coffee grounds in it.  And the mushrooms coming out of there look beautiful.

Sat. 14 Jan.:  I give thanks for true love.  This one is a little long.

     You know how you've heard those stories of people meeting online, say through eHarmony or something like that, and they fall in love, and it's for real, they get married, and all that?!  I've got one to share.  My friend Laura met Matt through eHarmony, having joined on a fluke, and then carried on merely friendly conversation with him daily for a couple months as a romance slowly began to kindle, then over a few more months fanned to a full flame.  Now they have had two extended visits in person here, and they are getting married in the end of June!  Sounds a little crazy right?!  But guess what, it doesn't feel that way at all.  When you see the two of them together, it's like the most natural thing in the world.  And Laura has three kids who adore him who have also been corresponding regularly with him (thanks again to FB) and welcome him into their lives.  This evening, we spent the evening with Matt in the fold for the third time, laughed, told stories, had some serious notes, ate a delicious dinner, and toasted to a fabulous future for all.  Lovely story.
     Which reminds me of my own, totally different lovely story.  How I came to be with my true love, Atom.  I'll have to devote a whole future post to that one.

Fri. 13 Jan.:  I give thanks for healing.  We spent the evening at our good friend Chloe's house - the one who, as mentioned previously, has gone through a really difficult phase in her life and is continuing on into a new phase, thankfully with an amazing amount of strength, love, and support.  This was the most time, and the best time, we have had together in years.  There was healing energy in the house, for all.
     I love this woman and her children dearly.  We connected when I was going through a difficult period too, about 8 years ago, and we have been close ever since, even if months go by where we barely see or even talk to each other.  She held me up, literally, while I birthed my son Phoenix, and during that labor she was my main support other than Atom, and in addition to the midwife and birth assistant.
     It pains me so much when someone I love is suffering, and I am thankful it is true that 'This too shall pass'.  Sometimes we must remember that again, and again, and again.

Until next time....   

birth & death, & everything in between

a grave marker in the beautiful Sierra Vista Cemetary in Taos, NM

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,

there is a field.  I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase each other

doesn't make any sense."

Rumi

It's been an emotional few weeks.  Quite a bit of weeping.

Mitakuye Oyasin.  We are all related.  I do believe that beyond these bodies, we are all one, and the sentiment of this poem by Rumi resonates deeply with me - yet still, the reality of mortality can be hard to deal with.

Two weeks ago today, our dear sweet neighbor and landlord Mr. Bowyer passed away.  I truly miss him and wish that we had spent more time with him.  His presence was comforting, and pretty much every warm day that we had, he would be out in his wheelchair, either in his beautiful big backyard, or occasionally in the front driveway.  Adobe liked to take friends over to meet him, outside or in the house.  He had an open-door policy.  He was a real sweetheart, and I feel that he loved knowing there was a nice family here enjoying this house, which we do, so much.  I wish that we had had him over for dinner sometime, which just seemed like it would be tricky because of his big automatic wheelchair, with both entrances to the house being a few steps up, but I really wish now that we had made it happen, somehow.    
     My heart aches when I'm in the kitchen, where I'd always look out the window and see him across the yard getting fresh air and sunshine.  My heart aches any time I look over at the house, and think about the fact that he (his living body) is no longer there, and his grandson, who's just a couple years older than me, is now there alone, after all these years of living with him, and helping to care for him, and being his buddy.  But I know that he is still here, I feel his spirit around us, over the trees and the grass, and the houses, and I talk to him. 
     I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to pay last respects while there was still breath in his body.  I wept so much on the way to the hospital, going into the room, and when I was saying goodbye to him.  I wish that I had had a couple minutes alone with him, but the room was full of family members and his caretakers.  I wanted so much just to give him a little Reiki, and a kiss on the cheek.  I did whisper in his ear that we loved him and would miss him so much.  And even though he was unconscious, I know he heard me. 
     Yes, he was not a member of my blood family, but I love him, and this is my first experience really of 'losing' someone that I am used to seeing on a regular basis.  The only other family member who has passed on was my grandfather, and I loved him so much, but I hadn't seen him for ten years.  In both cases, there is regret, and things I wish I'd done when they were alive.
     My granddad's funeral is the only one I've been to.  Mr. Bowyer's is delayed until January, because it will be at Arlington Cemetary, and they are booked up.  My granddad's viewing and funeral gave me great comfort & closure - I wept over him, and kissed him, and stroked his hair, and his Buddha earlobes, and talked to him, and told him how much I loved him.  He looked so small lying there, a shell of the big robust man I knew, so full of life, the man who threw great parties on the holidays for his family, who would sing, and tell stories, and enlist me and my cousins to perform for him, much in the way he did with my mother and her sister apparently.

This morning, I am attending another funeral.  Two days ago, my dance teacher (from age 7 to 18), Ms. Sparks, passed on.  More regrets.  I have been talking for years about going to visit her, right here in Arlington, and never did.  I'm so thankful though for the many great memories that I have of her from my childhood, and for the focus she brought to my childhood, the influence she had on my life, and the training she gave me, which along with others, helped me to support myself by teaching dance for many of my adult years.  I did get a chance to thank her, many years ago, but I wish that I had gone and told her these things again, and told her how much I loved her.  Today, I will be doing alot more weeping, I'm sure.

I weep for the pain of our knowledge of our own mortality.
I weep for the pain that causes my father, and for the wish that he will find resolve with this before his time comes.
I weep for the pain and sorrow of loved ones who miss that special person they will see no more.
I weep for the pain of humanity.
I weep for the pain of mothers and fathers who have lost a child.
I weep for the pain of children who have lost their parents.
I weep for all of the suffering in the world.
I weep because change is so hard sometimes.
I weep with gratitude and joy for the gifts in my life, first and foremost being my family.
I weep with gratitude and awe for this amazing baby and my other children who have chosen me as their mother.
I weep with gratitude and joy for life.

today was a good day

Beautiful Adobe woke up wart-free this morning.  Our beautiful girl developed a wart on her chin some months ago.  First it appeared as a tiny little bump, and then it grew, and grew, and grew.  Atom teased her that she got it from being mean to her parents.  She was very self-conscious about it.  So, last night Atom proved his skills as family surgeon.  He very carefully cut it off with an Exacto blade.  Yes.  I know it sounds crazy, but it barely hurt her at all, and it seems to have worked like a charm.  So that was great, because it made her so happy that it was gone.
   I've been in a bit of a funk recently - I think partly that the suffering of the world has been weighing heavily on my heart.  But today was a pretty good day.  Trying to stay in the moment helps me so much.  Phoenix and I went to visit with our mama friend Jeneen and our two smaller friends Haiku & Rilke.  It was kind of a surreal morning somehow.  We haven't seen them in over a year, and it was very grounding.  On the way there, I was listening to WPFW & they happened to have a show which was addressing the Palestinian-Israeli conflict.  Atom & I have been talking about that recently, & I've realized that I know very little about what is at the heart of the conflict.  So I turn on the radio, & there was a program that helped make the whole picture a bit clearer to me.  Then, I was very moved by something the hostess said at the end of the broadcast, which is that the people have Haiti have paid a great sacrifice - the souls who gave their lives in this catastrophe have brought people together, united the human family in compassionate acts to help our fellow brothers and sisters, whether we send them food, money, doctors, or our love & prayers.  And that is exactly what humanity needs right now, solidarity, compassion, empathy, love, and peace and justice, which are much harder to obtain.
   So I really appreciated what she had to say, & then we had a wonderful morning with the munchkins, playing at their house, snacking, chatting, strolling, & exploring down by the creek... For a little while, it was raining little ice balls & then started to snow, big fat wet clusters gently floating down through the sky.  Wish I'd gotten a picture dangit!  It was captivating.     
   Then we had some lunch together, Phoenix and I came home (he was screaming & crying - he did not want to leave, but passed out within 5 minutes of being in the car), I did some work, picked up Adobe from the bus stop, invited one of Adobe's newer best friends Katy over, all went for a treat at the local coffee shop.... Then we came back here, the kids got to play, Atom & I hung out in the studio for a long while diggin' deep in conversation while he tidied up & worked on a xylophone he's making from wrenches, ordered some Thai food, and little Miss Adobe got to have Katy spend the night.
  Yeah.  It was a good day.  And now, I'm exhausted.  Time to fold up.