speak from your heart

A tender moment, nursing Diin.

When babies are having their milk, they usually want to work their hands with something, whether it's twiddling (which drives me nuts, and I redirect), pulling at a necklace, grabbing clothes, or, in my case, play with mommy's moles. I have a lot of raised moles, and all the kids, especially the boys, have been pretty interested in them.  'Mole' was Phoenix's first real intentional word.  Pushing on them like a button, running them over and over, trying to pull them off... drives me a little nuts too sometimes.

Sometimes though Diin starts pinching me, grabbing me, and sometimes kinda grabbing my throat, which can make me feel a little uncomfortable.  Tonight though, as soon as he did it, something in me relaxed, and the idea came that he was trying to tell me something. I relaxed and felt an energy exchange between us, felt my throat relax, my throat chakra open, and then he put his hand on my heart chakra. Then he did it again, grabbed my throat then touched the heart.

And the message came to me, use your voice to speak truth, speak from your heart.

giving thanks for my mother, inspired cooking, and the arts

mom's cute webcam pic for her FB page

Tues., Jan. 10:  I give thanks for my mother.  She conceived me (with some help of course) and carried me in her womb, labored for 36 hours, and bears a scar where they finally decided to cut her open and remove me from her body.  Though I did not grow up with her (I was raised by my father from birth) we have always had a great relationship, one that has only grown deeper with time.  Those of you who know me well know the full story here - perhaps I will write it some time.  She is one of my best friends, one of the wisest women I know, and always a voice of reason in my life.

Wed., Jan. 11:  I give thanks for spontaneous inspiration in the kitchen.  Growing up, I think my dad may have cooked for us a total of 10 times, or maybe a few more, but I think at least half of those meals were hot dog sandwiches or franks and beans.  We ate out a lot of the time.  Sometimes, Eileen, my half-brother's mom who lived under us in the first-floor apartment of the house I grew up in, would cook dinner for me, but I didn't usually witness the process.

I did not grow up around anyone preparing meals.  The only memories I can really think of where I witnessed some major cooking was at my aunt's and granddad's on holidays, and that was some major cooking that went on for hours and hours, resulting in quite a feast, where you eat on and off all day.  Now, I'm a wife, and a mother of three, and there has definitely been a bit of a learning curve here.  I discovered in my adult years that I'm a pretty good 'intuitive' cook, meaning I keep healthy ingredients around and can usually hook up a good meal by throwing some of those ingredients together.  

However, cooking for yourself or one other person is one thing.  And, I've done alot of eating out in my adult years for sure, esp. since so many were spent leading a hustle 'n' bustle kinda life.  Now, I'm responsible for providing 3 meals a day for 3 other people (baby Din is still pretty exclusively on my milk) and myself.  This is no small feat.  Honestly, I'm usually wingin' it.  I'm not a recipe kinda gal.  Meal planning sounds nice, but it's not very realistic for me, given that I'm the type of person who often has difficulty planning beyond the next hour, except for really important things of course.  My main strategy is simply to keep good, healthy, yummy food around, and then see what comes together when it's time to eat.  (We don't have set meal times either.)

So what led to this post was a bit of spontaneous genius in the kitchen on Wednesday night.  At shortly after 7 pm, I thought, hmmm, what should we have for dinner?  I thawed some chicken in the nuker (in the basement - I resort to its' use in emergencies only ;), scrambled two eggs in coconut oil, added some frozen veggie fried rice to that, a few squirts of Bragg's Liquid Aminos, and threw the chicken in a separate pan with olive oil, drizzled with raw cider vinegar, added some Celtic sea salt and other spices, and then some fresh garlic.  Sounds good, but kinda a typical meal around here, and Atom and I have both been getting a bit 'bored' with food, so... I decided to put the rice on a corn tortilla, topped with the chicken, and then topped with a slice of cheese.  Popped into the toaster oven to melt the cheese, and voila!  Delicious.  Yummy yum.


Thurs., Jan. 12:  I give thanks for the arts, all kinds, for they have the ability to give voice to the heart, mind, and spirit, and release, inspire, feel understood, bring joy, and heal.  There has been a lot of grieving, reflecting, spontaneous weeping, and ruminating going on of late, off & on over the past few months.  (See a past post here and the FB page of a friend who left this world a few weeks ago here.)  It is making my thyroid ache.  As I said in that previous post, so much of the weeping and sorrow is not for my own grief, but for others' suffering.  I am an empath, and I think part of my purpose is to help transmute those very difficult emotions.  I just have to be careful not to let them get stuck in my body.

One of the things that helps me with that is listening to good music, and especially music that makes me want to sing.  So, yesterday I was listening to this really awesome album, 'Be OK' by Ingrid Michaelson.  Over and over.  It felt so good.  In fact, I think I'm gonna put it on repeat again, right now.  It's so awesome how sometimes just the right music comes on at just the right time, speaking to your life.  In this case, I felt like it was speaking more to my dear friend (who has just gone through the most difficult time of her life) than it was to me, but it helped, and I sang and sang, and sent her love all the while.

(As a sidenote, if you're suffering, or have ever felt suicidal:  Just don't get caught up listening to some sad music over and over while drinking copious amounts of alcohol when you're depressed.  That's a bad idea.  Switch it up.  Feel the misery, for a little while.  Then find something that gives you some shred of hope and happiness.  If you can't force yourself to stop wallowing, find a kid, yours or someone else's and hug them, play with them for 5 minutes.  That will make you feel better, at least for a little while.  Most kids have this great intuitive sense that tells them when you need a really good hug or a laugh.)

We hosted our co-op/tribe at our house yesterday.  I gave a lesson with a brief overview of the history of art from cave painting to the present, looking at the trends and styles that evolved over time, and the factors that influenced those trends.  And then, we painted.  Anything we wanted.  And it felt so good.  Here are ours.  The pics aren't great - I just took them on the webcam, but I'll share anyway.  

Phoe's painting: acrylic on cardboard.

Adobe's painting - her variation of Genevra DaBenci: acrylic on canvas

my painting - in progress still: acrylic on masonite

 My thanks for the arts is so infinite that I could write a whole book on it.  There will be more to come on the matter, I'm sure, but this post has been long enough already.  Visual and performing arts have pervaded my life for as long as I can remember.  My given name, Artis Mooney, aptly translates to 'wealth of art'.  Artis - Latin - 'of art'; Mooney - Gaelic - 'wealth'.

XO

giving thanks for my life, physical work, and lovely weather

Sat., Jan 7:  I give thanks for my life.  We went to a memorial service for a friend who chose to leave this world at the young age of 28.  The outpouring of love for this person was tremendous, and he left behind a family and huge crew of friends who will miss his presence so very much.  Life is such a gift, to be treasured, and though the road can be insufferable at times, we must always remember that others suffer too, that no matter how great our suffering, someone has it worse, and that 'this too shall pass'.  Count your blessings, and keep moving forward.

me & my sweeties in our backyard.  what you see is only a small fraction of the wood around here.  good exercise.  :) 

Sun., Jan 8:  I give thanks for physical work and a healthy body.  I stacked a ton of wood on the front porch today (all of which my darling husband first cut and stacked at the back and side of the house) - which was a good thing apparently, since we got snow yesterday.  I love work like this; it can be very meditative for me.  I am so happy to have a body that works well, with no major aches and pains, in cooperation with my mind and spirit.  During my last pregnancy I was so incredibly sore for a good number of months that I really understood how difficult it must be to live with chronic pain that never goes away.  At least I knew, or hoped, that mine would subside once this lovely little being finally emerged into the world.  I cannot imagine suffering like that with no end in sight.  I will offer the insight, however, that meditation helped me tremendously with the pain, on the days I had the wherewithal to make myself sit mindfully still for at least ten minutes. 

Mon., Jan 9:  I give thanks for the weather!  The snow was lovely, and it's nice to have a change of seasons, change of scenery, change of ambience, and yes, even a change of temperature.  It's so silly when we complain about the weather, and some people always seem to want it to be something other than what it is.  I love it all.  True, I'm a bit wimpy about the cold in wintertime, however, I have my awesome wood stove and that makes it so much more enjoyable.  I love keeping the fire burnin'.

8 years ago today...

As of 4:56 a.m., 8 years ago today, I birthed my baby Adobe.  Ah, what a wild ride it's been!  If only I knew then what I know now :)  How life has changed, in so many ways...

Well, for one, I was still under the impression that my father gave me, and had been professing to people while I was pregnant - "Oh, everyone thinks that your whole life has to stop when you have kids, that everything has to change.  That's not true!  You go on with life, you have a child with you now, but you just clothe it, feed it, give it love, & it's all good!"  Hah!

I guess that approach worked for him - he was a single father, and that's how he did it, pretty much.  And I turned out fine.  I think overall he did a really great job of being both papa and mama, and he raised me to be very independent.  But, we often don't do things the way our parents did them, do we?  The idea is to continually improve upon the situation.  All any of us can do as parents is strive to find balance in our lives with our children.  As we reflect upon what was 'done' to us by our parents or whoever raised us - discover what was great & not-so-great, or in some cases, plain terrible - the best thing we can do is to release the wrongs and repeat the rights, and forge ahead with new ways of our own.  As I look around and see how people are raising their children, I am continually struck by how each generation is reacting to the one before.  I'll write a whole 'nother post at some point about this - the days of the house wife, the role of Women's Lib, the nuclear family, the explosion of single parenthood, and so on...

The main thing to say here, is that I wanted that baby so badly - the maternal urge was so strong - and I'm so glad that she was born.  Those of you who were in my life at the time, which was mostly my Corcoran crew, saw what a crazy ride I was on, with school full-time, Adobe born in my thesis semester (art school - Corcoran College of Art + Design), working almost every day of the week (teaching tap & running a performing company), and strappin' that sweet baby on me everywhere I went.  I wish that I'd gotten the partner part right from the get-go, but alas, I'm one of those people who has had to learn some lessons the hard way.  I really wanted to believe it was right, that it was going to work out, but I knew somewhere deep down that it was not meant to be. And I stuck it out as long as I could.  I'm sure I was not the easiest partner at that time either.  Life is real, and we all gotta do what we gotta do.

So, on this 8th anniversary of my sweet girl's birth, I give thanks, and I reflect upon all the changes over the past several years.  Now I can just say that I am so glad to have a real, beautiful, awesome family.  Here they are, acting silly on the Photo Booth.  For awhile I thought it would just be Adobe & I for the rest of the ride, but often, just when you're about to give up, the unexpected happens.  I reconnected with my old friend Atom, aka Adam, aka Slahmed, and together, we will continue to make history...

Thank you Adobe, for being born, for being my grounding, for being such a fireball, such a great big sister, and such a sweetheart.  Thank you Atom, for all you do, for being such a great father and partner, for supporting us in so many ways, and for enabling me to learn what a real family is like, since I didn't exactly learn that as a child.
I love you guys.

My girl got to have ice cream for breakfast - Blueberry Cheesecake Custard - from the Dairy Godmother.  Yum!  Happiness is an important component of health.  Happy Birth Day Darling!

today was a good day

Beautiful Adobe woke up wart-free this morning.  Our beautiful girl developed a wart on her chin some months ago.  First it appeared as a tiny little bump, and then it grew, and grew, and grew.  Atom teased her that she got it from being mean to her parents.  She was very self-conscious about it.  So, last night Atom proved his skills as family surgeon.  He very carefully cut it off with an Exacto blade.  Yes.  I know it sounds crazy, but it barely hurt her at all, and it seems to have worked like a charm.  So that was great, because it made her so happy that it was gone.
   I've been in a bit of a funk recently - I think partly that the suffering of the world has been weighing heavily on my heart.  But today was a pretty good day.  Trying to stay in the moment helps me so much.  Phoenix and I went to visit with our mama friend Jeneen and our two smaller friends Haiku & Rilke.  It was kind of a surreal morning somehow.  We haven't seen them in over a year, and it was very grounding.  On the way there, I was listening to WPFW & they happened to have a show which was addressing the Palestinian-Israeli conflict.  Atom & I have been talking about that recently, & I've realized that I know very little about what is at the heart of the conflict.  So I turn on the radio, & there was a program that helped make the whole picture a bit clearer to me.  Then, I was very moved by something the hostess said at the end of the broadcast, which is that the people have Haiti have paid a great sacrifice - the souls who gave their lives in this catastrophe have brought people together, united the human family in compassionate acts to help our fellow brothers and sisters, whether we send them food, money, doctors, or our love & prayers.  And that is exactly what humanity needs right now, solidarity, compassion, empathy, love, and peace and justice, which are much harder to obtain.
   So I really appreciated what she had to say, & then we had a wonderful morning with the munchkins, playing at their house, snacking, chatting, strolling, & exploring down by the creek... For a little while, it was raining little ice balls & then started to snow, big fat wet clusters gently floating down through the sky.  Wish I'd gotten a picture dangit!  It was captivating.     
   Then we had some lunch together, Phoenix and I came home (he was screaming & crying - he did not want to leave, but passed out within 5 minutes of being in the car), I did some work, picked up Adobe from the bus stop, invited one of Adobe's newer best friends Katy over, all went for a treat at the local coffee shop.... Then we came back here, the kids got to play, Atom & I hung out in the studio for a long while diggin' deep in conversation while he tidied up & worked on a xylophone he's making from wrenches, ordered some Thai food, and little Miss Adobe got to have Katy spend the night.
  Yeah.  It was a good day.  And now, I'm exhausted.  Time to fold up.