Thus, my relationship with 'the holidays' is kind of like my relationship with organized religion. It's just not in my make-up, my fabric as a human being. I knew from kindergarten and first grade in a Catholic school in rural Indiana that it was not for me. I felt a lack of questioning around me, incongruities, and I was suspicious of the Story of Creation (On the first day, God created.... On the second day... and On the seventh day he rested....) that was being taught as a literal occurrence. And, there was Real Life at that point in life - the reason we moved to Indiana. My grandfather killed himself because my grandmother was becoming mysteriously ill; just when they were ready to settle into retirement in Florida where they had just bought a house, life took a drastic turn in another direction, and he just couldn't bear it. Shortly afterward, they discovered that my grandmother had 16 brain tumors, from cancer that had started in her lungs and spread. Within one year, she deteriorated to the state of infancy before my very eyes, and early one morning, she passed away, as I lay close by sleeping. The relationships were all complicated emotionally - I could write a whole chapter on that alone - and honestly, only now, 30 years later, do I consider how those particular events must have shaped me. It was the end of a husband & wife, the end of a father & son, the end of a son & his mother. And I was just at the beginning.
So, I found myself feeling total rejection of organized religion and Christianity in particular, for many years. However, I was decidedly not atheist. This led me to ask alot of questions, read different things, have lengthy conversations with my dad, my mom, and others, and to arrive at some interesting hypotheses. At some point, perhaps when I was 18, 19, 20, I began to realize that perhaps I was missing something by my general dismissal of organized religion. I began to read, alot - esoteric teachings especially, and embrace the good things many of the main religions have to offer. I read up on certain religions, read some of the Bible and the Qu'ran, teachings of the Buddha, and delved deeper into what was at the heart of each of these teachings. And a pattern emerged. I began to feel that in many ways, they were each saying the same things - just in different languages. Some of the details were different, and all, it seemed to me, were diluted or distorted in various ways from the original teachings, for a variety of reasons - probably first & foremost, no separation of church & state, of religion from law, for centuries upon centuries. That's a topic for a whole 'nother post.
The point is, I realized that it's all about what speaks to you, what helps you find meaning in life, what helps you move forward when the burdens of life seem too much to bear. So, if Jesus is your homeboy, that's great; if it's Allah that you praise, that's great; if it's the Buddha, Krishna, or whatever other name you choose for the Higher Power, or even if you are an existentialist, atheist, whatever, that's great, if it rings true for you. We are all seeking balance in our lives, reacting to & interacting with our upbringings, our cultures, our surroundings, our peoples' stories, our own personal stories.... Where religion translates to war is when one people try to force their way on another people, when people try to control one another, try to say that their path is the only Path... We are a people of many languages and many ways, but we are family.
"There is no religion higher than truth." And there is no Truth higher than Love. It is written on my soul.
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