giving thanks for all kinds of things!

Aaaahhh, a little catching up to do, and I got about half of this written, but something happened with the computer and it didn't get saved, so I begin again, with even more catching up.... But, I digress.  And work backwards.

Mon. 23 Jan.:  I give thanks for new friends.   I've been hearing about a 'this really cool chic' named Kristy through my friend Chloe for a few years now, and we recently connected both through Chloe and through the homeschool community.  She has three awesome kids too, and they came over today.  We enjoyed great interesting conversation, yummy snacks, and the kids got acquainted with one another.  Looking forward to more.

Sun. 22 Jan.:  I give thanks for working together.  Some high school friends came over today.  We are planning our class' first reunion - the 20th.  It's so interesting that here we are, having lived twenty years of life, coming together so that we can help others come together too.  And of course, Facebook and the internet make this so much easier.  :)  I'm thankful for that too. 

Sat. 21 Jan.:  I give thanks for cleanliness and order.  We spent a good portion of the day tending biz, and it's a much better vibe when the place is at least somewhat tidy and clean.  Atom and the kids played outside in the sunshine for quite awhile too, and the kids helped him stack some wood on the front porch.  I give thanks for fresh air and sunshine too.

Fri. 20 Jan.:  I give thanks for science.  Inquiry, reasoning, exploration, postulating, proving theories.  So satisfying for our minds that want to understand everything.
     Atom went to Brennan's for a little 'Zombie night'.   While he was gone, the kids and I did some drawing, and we read from a science book we have, simply titled Science by Time for Learning.  It's a great overview, and it's fun that Phoenix is getting old enough to participate in the conversation; we ask questions, guess answers, read a bit, look at the pictures, they interject, Adobe gives real-life examples, they laugh, get excited, and on to the next bit.

Thurs. 19 Jan.:  I give thanks for not having to pay for repairs when living in a rental.  We had some sorely needed maintenance work done around here today and yesterday, and times are a bit tight, so it's really great not to have to choose between 'just dealing with it' or dipping into savings to pay hundreds for a plumber and electrician.  

Wed. 18 Jan.:  I give thanks for running water.  I said before that 'I give thanks for (relatively) clean water to bathe in, cleanse with, and drink.'  I would love to have clean, pristine, pure, unpoisoned water running through my back yard.  If that were the case, I wouldn't even mind having to go outside to get it.  But, seeing as that is not the case, I sure am thankful for the modern convenience that brings water right to our taps, and hot at that!

Tues. 17 Jan.:  I give thanks for slow, cozy days.  We stayed in today.  Mostly.  The kids did go outside and play for a little bit, and I kept the fire going, but we mostly hung out and read, did some lessons, projects, some cleaning, some playing, Papa did the grocery shopping in the evening, we had dinner, watched a little something, and went to bed.

Mon. 16 Jan.:  I give thanks for creativity and daydreaming.  David, Kate, and Corriell came over for the afternoon.  I love them, some of my favorite people in the whole universe.
     Kate and David are good friends of ours who met independently of me.  I knew Kate from my Corcoran days - she was actually my pottery teacher there - wheel-throwing - when I was pregnant with Adobe (even though she's 2 years my junior ;), and although we were intrigued by each other, we didn't get to know each other well until after she and David became a couple a few years back. 
     Well, with them, they brought a Costa Rica fantasy.  It's not the first time I've had one.  It's been on & off for years, even though I've yet to go there.  But Kate and David, who have been there, are rekindling that fantasy, and honestly, I've never heard a bad thing about Costa Rica.
     What sounds really lovely is if we could do a year-long experiment, rent a large house together, our two families, for a relatively cheap price, put some feelers out, and see what happens.... Longer term, what would be ideal is if we could work in such a way to be able to spend chunks of time in both places.  Must verbalize the fantasies.
     And here's what the kids were up to while we fantasized.

the lovely Corriell

Phoe workin' his dough

Corriell's dough person

Adobe making a little crown

Phoe's dough head

Sun. 15 Jan.:  I give thanks for the bounty of nature.  We bought this mushroom growing kit - either from MOM's or Trader Joe's - and they are taking off, right on our kitchen rack.  It's a cool project.  They are easy to grow oyster mushrooms, and hopefully they'll be yummy.  The stuff in the box (which it grows out of) looks like some dense molded stuff with coffee grounds in it.  And the mushrooms coming out of there look beautiful.

Sat. 14 Jan.:  I give thanks for true love.  This one is a little long.

     You know how you've heard those stories of people meeting online, say through eHarmony or something like that, and they fall in love, and it's for real, they get married, and all that?!  I've got one to share.  My friend Laura met Matt through eHarmony, having joined on a fluke, and then carried on merely friendly conversation with him daily for a couple months as a romance slowly began to kindle, then over a few more months fanned to a full flame.  Now they have had two extended visits in person here, and they are getting married in the end of June!  Sounds a little crazy right?!  But guess what, it doesn't feel that way at all.  When you see the two of them together, it's like the most natural thing in the world.  And Laura has three kids who adore him who have also been corresponding regularly with him (thanks again to FB) and welcome him into their lives.  This evening, we spent the evening with Matt in the fold for the third time, laughed, told stories, had some serious notes, ate a delicious dinner, and toasted to a fabulous future for all.  Lovely story.
     Which reminds me of my own, totally different lovely story.  How I came to be with my true love, Atom.  I'll have to devote a whole future post to that one.

Fri. 13 Jan.:  I give thanks for healing.  We spent the evening at our good friend Chloe's house - the one who, as mentioned previously, has gone through a really difficult phase in her life and is continuing on into a new phase, thankfully with an amazing amount of strength, love, and support.  This was the most time, and the best time, we have had together in years.  There was healing energy in the house, for all.
     I love this woman and her children dearly.  We connected when I was going through a difficult period too, about 8 years ago, and we have been close ever since, even if months go by where we barely see or even talk to each other.  She held me up, literally, while I birthed my son Phoenix, and during that labor she was my main support other than Atom, and in addition to the midwife and birth assistant.
     It pains me so much when someone I love is suffering, and I am thankful it is true that 'This too shall pass'.  Sometimes we must remember that again, and again, and again.

Until next time....   

giving thanks for my life, physical work, and lovely weather

Sat., Jan 7:  I give thanks for my life.  We went to a memorial service for a friend who chose to leave this world at the young age of 28.  The outpouring of love for this person was tremendous, and he left behind a family and huge crew of friends who will miss his presence so very much.  Life is such a gift, to be treasured, and though the road can be insufferable at times, we must always remember that others suffer too, that no matter how great our suffering, someone has it worse, and that 'this too shall pass'.  Count your blessings, and keep moving forward.

me & my sweeties in our backyard.  what you see is only a small fraction of the wood around here.  good exercise.  :) 

Sun., Jan 8:  I give thanks for physical work and a healthy body.  I stacked a ton of wood on the front porch today (all of which my darling husband first cut and stacked at the back and side of the house) - which was a good thing apparently, since we got snow yesterday.  I love work like this; it can be very meditative for me.  I am so happy to have a body that works well, with no major aches and pains, in cooperation with my mind and spirit.  During my last pregnancy I was so incredibly sore for a good number of months that I really understood how difficult it must be to live with chronic pain that never goes away.  At least I knew, or hoped, that mine would subside once this lovely little being finally emerged into the world.  I cannot imagine suffering like that with no end in sight.  I will offer the insight, however, that meditation helped me tremendously with the pain, on the days I had the wherewithal to make myself sit mindfully still for at least ten minutes. 

Mon., Jan 9:  I give thanks for the weather!  The snow was lovely, and it's nice to have a change of seasons, change of scenery, change of ambience, and yes, even a change of temperature.  It's so silly when we complain about the weather, and some people always seem to want it to be something other than what it is.  I love it all.  True, I'm a bit wimpy about the cold in wintertime, however, I have my awesome wood stove and that makes it so much more enjoyable.  I love keeping the fire burnin'.

making baby

Wow.  Talk about 'where does the time go?'... and two, almost three more months have flown right on by...

Where have I been?  The garden pic from my last post looks so cute and demure compared to the jungle that is out there right now.  Mother Nature truly is amazing.  Yes, there's been lots of growth going on, outside and in.  And that's where I've been.  Making baby.  I'm preggo with number three!  I'm still in a bit of shock hearing myself say this.  I always knew I would have two, and I guess occasionally I entertained the idea that I might have one more than that, if things were going really well.  After Phoenix was born, I was pretty adamant that there would be no more.  But Atom and Adobe both worked on me for awhile, and eventually, especially as Phoenix works his way out of babyhood, the idea of doing it just one more time started to sound appealing.  And here we are.  I have to admit, I'm a little overwhelmed at the prospect of being a mother of three - already, two is quite a job.  But, I figure that a woman who can manage three children has a different command of the world.

This was the roughest first trimester yet.  I have been exhausted.  And puky feeling.  And generally feeling like a zombie.  Luckily, I have not actually thrown up once.  Now I am starting to see the light of day, although I must admit I'm still pretty worthless if I don't have coffee in my system by about 2 in the afternoon.  I've been totally off my routine.  But I feel so fortunate to be able to just be, go with the flow, and allow myself all the extra rest my body has needed, and really experience what my body is going through.

Making a baby is alot of work!  It is truly amazing if you think about what is taking place in a woman's body during this time.  We all begin, every single one of us (our current physical selves, anyway), from a single cell!  Yes, we all learn about this at some point in biology, but how many times in your life have you really stopped to consider this fact and marvel at how miraculous that is? 

And then, the being grows, and grows, and grows.  As a mother, this is a truly surreal experience.  First there are the symptoms and first signs of change happening with your body.  Then, you start to feel little flutters of undeniable evidence that there is indeed another being coming alive inside of you.  The bump begins to grow, and grow, and grow.  Next thing you know, you have this 'alien life form' completely taking over your body.   I am especially fascinated by imagining (having experienced it twice now) what the displacement of all my organs looks like.  Because, believe me, they move.  Muscle memory is amazing.  I can feel all my womb's fellow internals preparing already, which is much earlier than with the other two.  The body remembers; it has been through this before and recognizes the current state of affairs, and it knows full well what is to come.  I can feel things shifting already. 

From Lennart Nilsson's A Child Is Born

Now, I'm at about 17 weeks.  This is probably a good estimate of what my baby looks like right about now.  I've been able to feel it move a few times.  It's quite exciting.  Last night, the kids and I were playing with the stethoscope to see if we could hear anything.  We heard some sounds, but weren't sure if they were the baby or my own body.

I feel so thankful to be able to take time to connect, with my own body, and with the little spirit who is taking form in me now.  And indeed, I feel thankful to do it one more time.  It is a truly miraculous experience, all of it, the pregnancy, the labor, the birth, and birthing of oneself as a mother, even when it's not the first time. 

When I was pregnant with Adobe, there was so much going on, I was so busy, that I don't feel like I really was able to take much time to connect with myself and the little baby inside of me.  I was finishing my Fine Arts degree at the Corcoran, teaching tap 6 days a week and running my performance company, dcArtistry:tap&drum - basically running non-stop like a chicken with my head cut off.  Plus, there was a lot of turmoil in my personal life.  With Phoenix, things were much more stable, and a bit calmer, but I still don't feel like I really took the time to connect with my self and my baby the way I could have.

Fortunately, with both of them, the labor and birth, despite being quite long, were awesome.  Home birth with both, over two weeks 'past due date' with both, over 24 hours labor with both after a month of practice contractions, and Phoenix was born in water.  All quite hard work, and exhausting, and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it.  I'm planning another water birth at home and drawing on some new inner resources this time.  It would be nice if things move along a little quicker this time.  You know what they say, "third time's a charm."

Another thing that will bring me a special connection this time around:  I've decided, with enthusiastic encouragement from local midwife Tammi McKinley, to offer childbirth classes specifically geared toward women/couples who plan to birth either at home or a birth center.  The classes will incorporate body-mind connection, visualization, art, spirituality, and ceremony/ritual, with influences from various resources, as well as my own research and experiences.  I'm developing my curriculum now, and plan to launch this fall.  (See boundlessbirth.com ).  I will continue to offer my photography services, as well as Reiki for women & babies, and individualized art sessions.  More on all that to come. 

where does the time go?

Where does the time go? Two months have flown by, full of lovin and adventure, and travels. More on that to come.

I managed to get everything planted before we left for Mexico, and returned to find everything sprouting.  
Here are the beginnings of the spinach and lettuce.  
They've grown much more since then - we had our first salads 
from the garden this week.  Yay!

     I'm lovin the springtime, the garden is blooming, more beds to be dug, more plants to be planted, and always, lots more fun to be had. The world is our playground. Life is my meditation. My challenge, for myself and to you, is to live each moment in the now, while reflecting on what we have done, and planning what is to be done - remain ever present in the eternal now.

today was a good day

Beautiful Adobe woke up wart-free this morning.  Our beautiful girl developed a wart on her chin some months ago.  First it appeared as a tiny little bump, and then it grew, and grew, and grew.  Atom teased her that she got it from being mean to her parents.  She was very self-conscious about it.  So, last night Atom proved his skills as family surgeon.  He very carefully cut it off with an Exacto blade.  Yes.  I know it sounds crazy, but it barely hurt her at all, and it seems to have worked like a charm.  So that was great, because it made her so happy that it was gone.
   I've been in a bit of a funk recently - I think partly that the suffering of the world has been weighing heavily on my heart.  But today was a pretty good day.  Trying to stay in the moment helps me so much.  Phoenix and I went to visit with our mama friend Jeneen and our two smaller friends Haiku & Rilke.  It was kind of a surreal morning somehow.  We haven't seen them in over a year, and it was very grounding.  On the way there, I was listening to WPFW & they happened to have a show which was addressing the Palestinian-Israeli conflict.  Atom & I have been talking about that recently, & I've realized that I know very little about what is at the heart of the conflict.  So I turn on the radio, & there was a program that helped make the whole picture a bit clearer to me.  Then, I was very moved by something the hostess said at the end of the broadcast, which is that the people have Haiti have paid a great sacrifice - the souls who gave their lives in this catastrophe have brought people together, united the human family in compassionate acts to help our fellow brothers and sisters, whether we send them food, money, doctors, or our love & prayers.  And that is exactly what humanity needs right now, solidarity, compassion, empathy, love, and peace and justice, which are much harder to obtain.
   So I really appreciated what she had to say, & then we had a wonderful morning with the munchkins, playing at their house, snacking, chatting, strolling, & exploring down by the creek... For a little while, it was raining little ice balls & then started to snow, big fat wet clusters gently floating down through the sky.  Wish I'd gotten a picture dangit!  It was captivating.     
   Then we had some lunch together, Phoenix and I came home (he was screaming & crying - he did not want to leave, but passed out within 5 minutes of being in the car), I did some work, picked up Adobe from the bus stop, invited one of Adobe's newer best friends Katy over, all went for a treat at the local coffee shop.... Then we came back here, the kids got to play, Atom & I hung out in the studio for a long while diggin' deep in conversation while he tidied up & worked on a xylophone he's making from wrenches, ordered some Thai food, and little Miss Adobe got to have Katy spend the night.
  Yeah.  It was a good day.  And now, I'm exhausted.  Time to fold up.